The ache

Emily Johnson - Singer
Emily grew up in Aneta, ND and moved to IHOP in August of 2007. My passion is to know the word of God both in the written form and in His person (Jesus) that I may share & sing with clarity to others the greatness of what ( & who!) we have been given.


I have this small ache inside of me that never seems to go away.  I don’t always realize it’s there but when I quiet my soul I feel it.  Usually I am busy with the normal day-to-day activities we humans do but when I return home at night, there it is.  It’s an ever present longing.  Sometimes I notice it during the occasional pauses, car rides, or other quieter occasions.  Other times I find myself in the middle of a crowd of people or bustle of life when suddenly my heart is desiring something more.  It’s as if my life is a scene from a heartburn commercial:  My surroundings fade into the background, conversations become muffled, and life is suddenly slow motion.  All that is in focus is me and this deep unseen ache in my heart.  This heartburn won’t be cured by any medicine.  The only thing that will ease this pain is more of what gave it to me in the first place.  I have tasted of the goodness of God and now I am met with an ache of an eternal thirst. 

There is a mystery to this thirsting.  As followers of Jesus, we have taken a drink of the living water that he possesses.  In John 4, Jesus says “Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst.  Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”  I have found that since experiencing his holy spirit and drinking from this spring of water, I thirst for more.  This is the paradox:  Drinking from the water that satisfies us forever will cause us to thirst for more.  In Jesus we have eternal life and an eternal fountain of water from which to drink.  Every day we need to drink, not because we wouldn’t survive, but because this is our portion.  Once we have repented and believed in Jesus, we possess this eternal life, so therefore we have enough to survive.  Yet our portion isn’t to stop there.  We have now inherited the ultimate gift, better than a Ferrari or a mansion on a hill.  We now are able to come near and experience the Living God.  We will never thirst again, yet the paradox of his living water causes us to cry out time and time again and draw near to the very spring that he has placed inside of us.  “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.” (Ps. 42:1,2). 

Ok, so this is normal.  Even in the Old Testament they had this longing for more of what they had tasted of God.  I once heard a chorus sung in the House of Prayer:  “I will reject the shame of a lovesick heart.”  How foolish it is to be lovesick and longing for more knowledge of someone.  I sometimes find myself stuffing down my emotions that yearn for God to draw near once again.  Now instead I daily choose to live foolishly, living for just one more word from his mouth that will sustain me. 

Accusations in my mind tell me that I must not love you
Always seeking you to find, though the veil is torn
Truth is this hunger inside shows a deep desire for you
I will love you through the ache to know you more

© 2011 Emily Johnson